uncomplicated truth

I remember my beloved yoga teacher, Akash Bornstein, first talking to our class of teachers-to-be about ego. She was specifically speaking about lack of ego and insecurity being as much a part of Asmita as a flourishing self-aggrandizing ego.  Ironically, in my sad state of solipsistic absorption, I thought she was talking to me, and perhaps she was, but either way, my small ego and big one too learned a most important lesson that day. 

Yoga teachers are poignantly aware of humility. Striving to maintain a balance between confidence and plummeting insecurity is tough for new teachers and can at times strike down even the most mature teachers.  If we were all to look back on our teaching history, were there not classes where half-way through you blanked out, felt the flow had turned into a drizzle or cried on the way home. Isn't it true that after some classes you were flying with another perfect, free-flowing class or helped that student through a painful healing process. 

Now that I am a little older and much more practiced at being mindful, of observing these flights of emotional response, I finally feel (somewhat) prepared to deal with Truth, Energy and Inertia equanimously.  During Yoga Teacher Training, if I were to say to Akash, something like, 'what a wonderful class', she would simply point to the sky and say it was was 'not me'.  I understood what it was to be humble and to serve during these precious moments with her, but how could I possibly translate this into my own practice. Here was a yogi who had dedicated her life to Yogananda, to the Divine Mother and to teaching; who was I then to follow in this linage?

For the first few years I molded myself into a poor reflection of Akash.  I hid the reality that I wasn't an incredibly strong yogi, that I was limited in my teaching experience, that I hadn't lived in an Ashram or even been to India, and that actually, I spent a lot of my day washing nappies, pouring over psychology textbooks and occasionally wrapping myself into a cocoon from sheer exhaustion.

Needless to say I  burned out. Yet, from the ashes appeared an uncomplicated truth: authenticity.  This practice of Truth, begins at home.  The cultivation of Truth requires honesty. The more I practiced honesty, the more scrupulous I became in every aspect of life. With this watershed my Energy soared; it became purer and infused with the greatest joy. 

Now I teach with so much joy. It is not something I consciously manifest, it comes from the beautiful continuum of mind, body, soul and students. Yet, joy is not limited to the yoga studio. The lack of separation between my evolving honest self, the studio and family is manifest in all things and I strive to practice my beliefs. 

 with love, Veronique