Guru Diary

My Guru Diary,

I really did feel an urge bordering on desperation, to be accepted by my Guru as her student.  I knew she would be available to me always, but at the moment of reaching out to her, to solidify our relationship as Master and Student, I craved the feeling of being held in this journey. An ironic state of longing, as the past 10 or 15 years had been spent working towards a dissolution of craving. Why did I so overidentify with my Guru? Why did I long for her so poignantly? 

I think deep down I believed that I didn’t have the resolve to properly commit, to trust that I can remain focused and fearless. I believe that this self-criticism had a seed of truth. Majji’s first instruction to me was to meditate. Meditate every day.  I do meditate every day and mostly I can enjoy a sense of centeredness and love.   But I am high-strung and hugely visceral. It is a kinesthetic instinct to understand mindfulness through my body.  I need to move in a certain yogic way everyday. And because this is my daily life it is easier for me to practice mindfulness in other activities...like meditation or even washing up.

I am beginning to realise that my body is the inroad to spirituality and a deeper understanding of the ancient teachings of Buddha and also the Upanishads. When I am consumed with emotions or aversions, I discover an ability to harness great concentration on the breath or body sensations so that I can be alert in the present moment – reach a deep meditative state and sink into cavernous quiet.

So I think for me, for the time being, I need to practice seated meditation and moving meditation through asana Buddha taught both mindfulness of the body and non-attachment to it:

"There is one thing, monks, that cultivated and regularly practiced leads to a deep sense of urgency . . . to the Supreme Peace . . . to mindfulness and clear comprehension . . . to the attainment of right vision and knowledge . . . to happiness here and now . . . to realizing deliverance by wisdom and fruition of Holiness: It is mindfulness of the body." Buddha

For the next month I am going to move through the same set of asanas everyday with the intention of careful, precious and mindful movement and complement this with seated meditation.

Many blessings to my dearest Guru